exalky.com

Hi again,

seems the time between my posts is averaging out at about once a month (note to self-post more!)

Summer needn’t be a testing time for recovering alcoholics/addicts. Sure there’s the never ending slew of barbecues and family gatherings where everyone else is getting quietly (or Loudly!) merry and sunburnt, but this dosen’t mean we have to suffer.

I’ve just come back from a wonderful long weekend at Disneyland Paris with my wife and daughter and my wife’s parents. While it would not be fair to say they spent the whole time drinking, they did consume a fair amount, especially in the evenings. At one point my father in law asked me, “dosen’t it make you crazy watching all of us drinking?”

My answer was truthful and simple. “No it dosen’t, maybe in the early days of my recovery I felt uncomfortable around other people drinking, but not anymore.”

I have learned a coping strategy for these kinds of situations, whether it be a visit to a pub for a special occasion or for dinner, or family gatherings or any situation where alcohol (or drugs for that matter) will be a feature.

The first and most important part of my strategy is “ALWAYS take your parachute”

What I mean by this is always prepare an exit for yourself before you set out. For example, if you’re going out to dinner with family or friends, offer to drive them, thus providing yourself with an excellent reason why you’re not drinking (assuming they don’t already know why ).

It’s a good idea to take your car anyway, as if you do feel uneasy, you can make a fairly quick escape and maybe return to pick them up later. In fact I have done just that quite a few times.

But what if you don’t drive or  have a car?

Parachutes of our kind come in all shapes and sizes-take your phone, or just the number of your sponsor or closest AA friend.

The second part of my strategy is this: If you feel uncomfortable – LEAVE.

If your family or friends don’t understand this and find it strange/rude/whatever, that is THEIR problem, not yours-your responsibility is do do whatever it takes to stay sober, you can explain to them if you want to, but it’s not a requirement.

We visit my wife’s parents for about two weeks at a time -usually a couple of times a year. They live in quite an isolated area so a lot of drinking goes on at their home and I have little chance of getting to a meeting while we are there.

On the rare occasions that I do feel uncomfortable around them drinking ( usually when they’ve been at it for a while), I can’t just pack up and leave, but I can go for a walk or even just go to a different room and read for half an hour or so. This usually does the trick, but if not, then a call to my sponsor or a close AA friend is the answer.

Friends and Family who know about your alcoholism may not understand it, but will usually be supportive and understand if you don’t want to attend a particular event. If they don’t, and give you a hard time about it, maybe it’s time to ask if they’re really such a good friend after all.

Anyway here’s a pic from my Disney visit – I can remind myself to stay sober Anywhere…

(oops! I’ll upload the pic later today…)

Be Well

Fluke ;-D

Hi again,

I know you’re gonna say you’ve heard it all before, but once again I must apologise for my lack of posts of late, but what with work and family commitments, and trying to start a new business I really have been sooo busy!

Anyway I’ve been doing loads of learning, not only for my new business but for my recovery….

My home group was involved in the running of a mini-convention a couple of weeks ago, and I was lucky enough to be of service making the tea and general helping out-we had some great speakers from both AA and Al-Anon, and a great day was had by all.

I made up a t-shirt to advertise exalky.com, but decided it was a bit cheesy (low self esteem) and kept my tracksuit top over it!

Anyway the reason I have been so reluctant about advertising exalky.com, is because of something I heard in the rooms from an old timer who I have the greatest respect for, “if it ain’t in the Big Book, it ain’t worth a shite!”.

Even though my head’s been screaming “LUDDITES!”, I really don’t want to cause any offence or harm so I keep quiet and rarely share about the law of attraction or my take on a higher power, in fact I’m not sure I’ve ever shared about this openly in a meeting..

I went to a great meeting this week and met up with some old friends I hadn’t seen for a while.The meeting usually has a speaker, but not this time. Instead, we read around the room from the Big Book, one of the stories, entitled “Acceptance was the answer”. Not having picked up the Big Book in a while , I had forgotten the story.

Can you imagine the  wonderful feeling I got when I heard the words toward the end of the reading;

“I can do the same thing with an AA meeting. The more I focus my mind on its defects-late start, long drunkalogs, cigarette smoke-the worse the meeting becomes. But when I try to see what I can add to the meeting, rather than what I can get out of it, and when I focus my mind on whats good about it, rater than what’s wrong with it, the meeting keeps getting better and better. When I focus on what’s good today, I have a good day, and when I focus on what’s bad, I have a bad day. If I focus on a problem, the problem increases; if I focus on the answer, the answer increases.”

Right there in the Big Book, The Law of Attraction in a nutshell!

Maybe the t-shirt wasn’t such a bad idea after all

Be well,

Fluke

Hi again,

I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard the phrase “Keep it in the day” at meetings. It’s good advice not to project into the future or to wallow in the past, but how about taking it a step further, and try to “Keep it in the moment”. I first came across this idea in some Buddhist teaching or something similar, I can’t really remember (/blush), but just lately I have been reminded of it in yet another excellent book I have read, Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now, in which he describes the concept as “Presence”. For me it has come to mean that if I can be completely conscious of what I am doing at any given moment, I will be free of the “washing machine head” that we all suffer from.
It is impossible for the ego (the washing machine) to exist “in the now”, it must exist either in the past or the future, spinning on as it does about what has happened or what might happen, but never what is happening.
Whenever I find myself wandering off into a daydream I try to bring myself back to the present moment by concentrating fully and only on what I am doing.

For example if I am doing the washing up, but I am thinking about the revenge I will take on that bastard who cut me up on the drive home, I am not consciously doing the washing up.

I am in fact doing myself harm by feeling resentment and attracting more to feel resentful for into my life.

So by concentrating my thoughts on the task at hand, I stop this uneccessary resentment in its tracks, do a quick step ten and maybe say a prayer for the “bastard” to have a pleasant day, and carry on with my own. 

Be Well

fluke

Gratitude is a common thread that runs through both AA literature and thinking, and almost every book or teacher of the law of attraction.
When your sponsor nags you to make a gratitude list, they are not really nagging-they are trying to impart to you one of the most powerful tools for your recovery, and for improving every aspect of your life.
The first time you start a gratitude list can be a bit daunting, especially if you are new to recovery and are gingerly sifting through the wreckage of what was once your life.
It can be hard to feel grateful for anything.
So start with the basics; be grateful for the absence of a hangover, the air in your lungs, the light of day, the promise of a sober day….
You will find that once you start a list and have a few items on it, more will spring to mind with ever increasing frequency.
So why is gratitude so important from a Law of Attraction point of view?
Rhonda Byrne’s Secret Gratitude Bookhas a great explanation-
“As you focus on gratitude and think, speak and feel gratitude, you are transforming your energy frequency intoone of the most powerful and highest frequencies of all. Gratitude attracts like energy of gratitude to it, so as you are feeling grateful you are powerfully bringing like energies to you, which will have you experience more things to be grateful for. In other words you will magnetize to you the energy of people, circumstances and events that will bring good into your life.
It is impossible to bring more good into your life if you are feeling ungrateful for what you have. Why? Because the thoughts and feelings you emit as you feel ungrateful attract a life filled with more things to feel ungrateful about. Whether it is jealousy, resentment, dissatisfaction, or feelings of “not enough”, those negative emotions cannot bring you what you want. They are blocking your own good from coming to you. If you want a new car but you are not grateful for the car you have, that will be the dominant frequency you are sending out, and you cannot attract something better. On the other hand, if you feel grateful for the car you have now, you are powerfully summoning an even better car to you.”
Right now, I’m grateful that you’ve read this post and (hopefully) left a comment

Have a great day
fluke

Hello and welcome to the new home of anExalky’sblog !
As you can see, I’ve dropped the name in favour of exalky.com, and I now have my own server space and domain.

If you have been wondering where I’ve been, fear not, I’m still here in blogland and no, I haven’t had a “slip” and gone back on the booze and drugs!
I have been busier than ever setting up my new business venture and am sorry to say that I’ve neglected anexalky’sblog for way too long.
However, I’ve still been researching loads of good stuff to help me (and you) in recovery that I will be posting in the very near future.

anExalky’sblog will continue to reside on blogger for a while but no new posts will be made there-All new stuff will be posted here along with everything from the old blog (let me know if I’ve missed anything!)

So bookmark this page and check back soon-I’ve got loads of new stuff to post and would welcome any suggestions for stuff you would like.

Be well

fluke